


Time Heals Nothing.

by The_Most_Obvious_Sherlockian



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Prays, Dean Prays to Castiel, Human Castiel, Human Dean, Human Sam, I Tried, Liar sam, M/M, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, POV Third Person, Sam is a Little Shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-14 20:56:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3425312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Most_Obvious_Sherlockian/pseuds/The_Most_Obvious_Sherlockian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry about the POV change, but I wrote a bunch of this ridiculous sweet shit that couldn't be left out. Sorry it kind of sucks... that's just my writing style: complete shit. Enjoy :)</p></blockquote>





	1. It's Been Way too Long

Dean closed his eyes and began to pray.

_Hey, Cas. It's Dean again. You must be pretty busy up there since you haven't responded once. I just wanted to remind you that we are down here and that we miss you. Nothing big happening at the moment, just wish you'd pop down and say hi... you know if you get a minute... if you're still alive. So... uh, ring me back if you can okay buddy?_

A tear escaped as Dean's eyes fluttered open again, but he wiped it off before it got too far. Cas had disappeared. Tomorrow marked two years. Sam had given up long ago, said something happened to him in Heaven, or on Earth. Blamed his silence on not having enough time to have contacted them. Dean tried not to believe that Castiel was dead, but every day, his hope dwindled. Surely Cas would've contacted him by now. Every night he prayed. Was there any way anyone could ignore the nightly pleas of an old friend for two years straight? Was it possible for anyone to be that busy? Dean tried so hard to hold onto something, some small piece of hope that the angel was still up and kicking, but hope only stretched so far. Still, Dean prayed.

 

The next morning, Dean made himself and Sam breakfast before Sam was even out of bed. He hadn't been able to sleep that night, not that he had been able to sleep well for the last two years, but he had literally, not slept at all that night. All he could think about was what had happened to Cas. What he could do about it now, what he could've done about it had he acted sooner,and how this could be his fault. Sam walked into the main room just as Dean was walked out of the kitchen with both of their breakfasts. He smiled brightly at his little brother, despite his mood and lack of sleep.

"You made breakfast."

"Yep," he sat down and handed Sam a fork.

"Why did you make breakfast?" Sam seemed worried. He sat, but didn't start eating.

"We have a kitchen and your lazy ass was still in bed. Problem?"

"Dean, it's 6 AM."

Dean, who was already digging in, looked up and Sam and shrugged.

Sam shook his head and started eating."Hey, Dean?" he asked after a few minutes of silence, "Do you still pray to Cas?"

Dean nearly spit out the over-sized bite of omelet he had in his mouth. He dropped his fork on the plate with a loud CLANK and swallowed slowly.

"Yeah that's what I thought. I heard you last night as I walked by your room on the way to mine. Dean, he's gone. He wouldn't want you doing this to yourself. Least of all, over him."

"Oh, yeah and what exactly is it that I am doing to myself?" Dean asked. "Huh? I wish he'd come back, sue me. So yeah, I pray to him every night. And then I get on with my life."

"No, that's not what's happening here. Everyone can see it Dean! Last time Charlie saw you she asked me what the hell happened when you left the room! You're not getting enough sleep, you're eating patterns go from not eating at all to bingeing on junk food- you're chronically depressed-"

"None of that is new Sam. If you're just noticing, I'm not the one with the problem."

"God dammit Dean, why can't you just admit that you're not okay? I know it, I know you know it. if Cas were here, he would know it- hell even Crowley knows it! Can't you just cooperate for once?"

Dean wiped his mouth with a napkin, something he almost never did, and slammed it back on the table, "No!" he yelled. He picked up his plate, which still had half an omelet on it, and stormed into the kitchen. Before he left the room though, he turned, glared at Sam, and yelled, "I. Am. Fine!"

"Castiel is dead, Dean! Get over it!" Sam yelled. Dean wished he'd closed the door when he entered the kitchen so he hadn't heard that.

 

That night, Dean closed his eyes to pray, then opened them again. This time he didn't try to stop the tears. He would let them flow this one time, because he was admitting two things he'd denied for years in the same night, and one made the other harder to fathom. He hid his face in his hands because he was ashamed. Even though there was no one in the room to see him cry, no one in his mind to know his confessions but himself, he was ashamed. He decided to send one last prayer.

_Alright, Cas this is it. I give up on you. I'm doing what you didn't by sending this: telling you what happened. Goodbye Cas._


	2. A Weight Off His Shoulders

The first thing Dean saw when he woke up was the time on his alarm clock. After five minutes of trying to do math with a brain that was still half asleep, he decided he'd slept a full nine hours. He hadn't woken up once. Simply slept soundly for _nine hours_. It was almost scary. Stretching and groaning, he decided to get up. He felt great. Well, hungry, but great. 

He walked into the bunker's main room. Sam was already out, eating breakfast and studying his computer screen. Dean ruffled his hair on his way past, just because he could.

"Hey!" Sam protested.

"Mornin' sunshine," Dean said brightly.

Sam ignored him. Dean got his rather large breakfast and sat across the table from his brother. He ate in silence for a few short minutes, but got bored.

"You know what we should do?"

"Hmm?" Sam didn't look up from his computer.

"We should find a job."

"Mmm." 

"No, I'm serious. We should go somewhere. I'm tired of sitting here and doing nothing."

This time Sam looked up, "Seriously? Two days ago you wouldn't even go to the store.

Dean shrugged, "Don't know what to tell you Sammy. Except there's people out there dying because of some supernatural son of a bitch we should be hunting."

"Yeah there's always people out there dying because of some supernatural son of a bitch we should be hunting," Sam looked back at his computer.

"Come on Sammy! What else are we going to do today?"

"Well what did you do yesterday?"

Dean didn't answer. He had spent the day in his room being pissed at Sam but that was not something he was ready to admit, "Chop chop laptop. Let's find us a case."

Sam furrowed his brow at the rhyme, but started typing away at his computer.

-

They found a cut and dry, salt and burn the bones vengeful spirit about four hours west of the bunker. Dean insisted they stay in a hotel, although they easily could've made it back before too late. He ordered pizza to their room, which he ate happily on his bed. Sam ate a salad, and tapped on his laptop.

"That seem a little too easy to you?" Dean asked in between slices.

"Just seemed like a normal case. Something we haven't had in a while."

"Sure. But- I don't know- too normal."

Sam looked up from his laptop, "Not everything has to be connected to one big master plan, Dean, it was just a normal case. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yeah."

They were silent for a minute.

"But when do either of us ever get what we want?"

-

Dean was tired. He almost forgot that normally, he would be praying to Cas right now, right before he went to sleep. He remembered just as he was about to fall asleep. He shook off the feeling that he'd left something undone and eventually nodded off.

He and Sam drove back to the bunker in the morning. When they got there, there was an old, ugly, flat black car parked where the Impala had generally been before Dorthy had shown Dean the bunker's garage.

"We got a visitor?" Dean asked.

"I didn't invite anyone."

"Charlie?"

"That look like her car to you?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Who then?"

Sam shrugged.

They entered the bunker almost silently, from the garage entrance. Their rock salt shot guns were at the ready, there were silver knives easily accessible, and Sam had the demon knife in his pocket. They walked together, quietly through their home. Dean signaled for Sam to take the kitchen just as they entered the main room. Dean looked straight ahead and nearly fired his gun. He recognized the face, and lowered his weapon. Then he realized what he was looking at, and raised it again. Sam looked where Dean was looking and went through the same cycle.

"Castiel?"


	3. Time Heals Nothing

Cas was sitting at their research table eating what was left of Dean's omelet. He looked at the two and smiled. Dean reached into his pocket and walked closer to Cas. When he was a few feet away, he splashed him with an excessive amount of holy water.

He spat out a little that got in his mouth out, "Hello Dean." He was standing now, "Let me save you the trouble," he actually reached into one of Dean's pockets and found his silver knife. He pulled up the sleeve of his white shirt and cut deep into his arm with Dean's knife. He tried to hand it back, but Dean just stared.

The hunter took a deep breath, and punched Cas in the face.

"Okay," Cas said, trying to recover quicker than possible in his current condition, "Okay," he repeated, "I deserved that."

"Damn right you deserved that-"

"Dean," Sam tried to interrupt.

"Two years, Cas, it's been two years."

"I know."

"Then you better start talking before I break your holy nose."

"Not holy. Not anymore. Notice I'm still bleeding..." he gestured to his previously cut arm.

"Wait, you're human?" Sam asked. His surprise was a bit over the top. Like a bad actor.

Cas looked at Sam and furrowed his brow, but the look of confusion didn't last long, and soon settled into slight annoyance. "Unfortunately, yes. I've gotten used to it. As you pointed out, Dean, it's been two years."

"So," no one seemed to get what Dean was asking, "Where the hell have you been? Why haven't you... I don't know... Contacted us?"

"I," Cas started, but then looked causiously at Sam, "You are very, very hard to find, Dean," he continued. "And I had other things to see through. My grace faded much faster than I expected. I fell asleep one night a very ill angel, and awoke a relatively healthy man. A relatively healthy, broke man with nothing, nothing at all."

"I thought you were going to fade out when your grace did. That you were going to... I don't know- die?" Sam seemed interested, Dean was just pissed.

"Something like this happens, you come find us, you get our help. You don't tour the country or whatever the hell you've been doing for two years. It's not that hard Cas!"

"I'm sorry Dean."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Dean demanded.

"How long have you got?" Cas said with a small, sad smile. 

"Have you got somewhere to stay?" Sam asked before Dean could say anything he'd regret later.

"Yeah. Bunker's got a spare room right?" He was addressing Dean, not Sam. 

"Cas you can't just leave for two years and expect us to let you stay here!"

Sam bit his lip and sighed, "Dean he's human. He needs a place to stay."

"Well he better find one then!" Dean's venomous stare never left Castiel.

Cas glanced and Sam, who sighed and nodded, "Dean, can I talk to you alone?" the once-angel asked.

"No!"

"Dean!"

Dean glared at his little brother, "What? Anything he can say to me he can say to the both of us."

"Dean just talk to him! I'll get some sheets on the bed in one of the spare rooms," he received another glare, "just in case," he walked out of the room.

"What do you want Cas?"

"I just wanted to tell you what I've been doing. Why I didn't come see you first."

"Why couldn't you tell me that when Sammy was here?"  


Cas ignored the question, "I decided that the first thing I had to do was help Claire get her life together. Even if she didn't want help. So I spent about three months with her. I think we both enjoyed it quite a bit because it was like we were learning how to be human together. She did have a bit of a head start though and it soon became clear that I needed the aid of a strong female figure. I decided that the best person for this job would be the one who should've been doing it. I was wrong. I spent another two trying to find Claire's mother, however when I reunited mother and daughter, neither was happy. Claire was, understandably, very angry with her mother for leaving, and her mother did not try to hide her disappointment with Claire. Claire's mother is a bitch, to put it mildly. Anyway, after all of... that, Claire was very angry with me. I decided I was only going to cause more harm there, so I left Claire with some money, and decided to find you two."

"That still leaves over a year and a half. We aren't that hard to find."

"I got side-tracked."

"Side-tracked?"

"I found a hunt. A normal person, or angel, wouldn't have seen a thing, but it seems all the time I spent with you two paid off. It was an easy case, werewolf. I killed it myself can you believe it? I thought I would make a pathetic human, more so than most-"

"Thanks."

"-but it turns out I'm a halfway-decent hunter. Well decent enough not to get killed for long enough to hook up with another hunter, or huntress."

"When you say hook up...?"

"No, Dean I do not mean that I had sex with her. Actually, it seems unlike the last time I was human, I am not interested in women. Maybe I wasn't then either, maybe I was just confused. Who knows?"

"Cas you've really changed," Dean said, taking the time to look past his anger and really notice his old friend, "It's like you're easier to talk to. Like someone pulled the stick out of your ass."

"Two years, Dean. Not just being around humans but being one of them. I think it was my time with Claire that really helped me relax. After Jenn, the woman I was hunting with for a while, got killed on the job, I mostly hunted alone. Every time I ran into another hunter I asked about you two. No one seemed to know anything, if they did it wasn't about where you were, it was simply that you were. I heard some interesting things about you boys. Anyway, a few weeks ago I found someone who'd seen you! They pointed me in this direction and I knew I was looking for a bunker so here I am!"

"Why didn't you just call us?" Dean asked, less angry, now, and more curious.

"Uh," Cas rubbed the back of his neck and looked away, "This is where the Sam-not-being-here part comes in."

"What?"

"Look, I did call. Right after I left Claire and her mother. Right after I decieded I wanted to do more than just clean up my messes and die-" 

"Clean up your messes and die? Wow, that's a little depressing." 

"I called you, Dean. I guess you didn't have your phone at the time, because Sam picked up. He's the one who pointed me towards the hunt. He told me you were pretty torn up, and that it would be better if I just stayed away. He told me not to call you ever again, but if I got in any serious trouble, to call him. He thought it was healthier for you, and I couldn't argue. After all I'd done to you, it was only fair that I respect Sam's wishes and never show my face around you two again. Of course, I've spent way too much time around you to listen to Sam. You're the closest thing I have to family. I hope the time it took me to find you again allowed you to heal. I can't imagine-"

"Hold on, Cas, back up. Sam told you not to call me? Sam told you to stay away?"

"Please don't be angry with him. He only wanted what was best for you."

"What- what's best for me? Cas. How was this 'what's best for me'? I can't believe Sam- or you- would think that!"

"Please don't be angry."

"How can you ask me not to be angry Cas?

Cas looked like he was about to cry. Dean knew all he wanted was for everything to be okay. That all he wanted was for everything to go back to the way it had been. Dean knew this, because that was exactly what he wanted too. He tried to tell himself that it couldn't happen, that that's not how things worked, but even to him that sounded ridiculous. Why not? There was no good reason the brother's friendship with Cas couldn't go back to the way it was. He'd been gone for two years, so what? He was back now, and he'd only stayed away because of Sam. Sam. Dean was so pissed at Sam he could barely register. But that was what Cas was upset about. Dean could tell, he felt like he had damaged the brother's relationship. But he hadn't, Sam had.

"Hey, Cas, it's okay. Sammy made a mistake. Everyone does. This happened to be a pretty big one, but that's okay. The two of us have saved the world enough times we get excused for a few big screw ups."

Cas smiled a little. And Dean did the same. Then he embraced the former angel. He held him so tight, he couldn't get his arms free to hug the hunter back. Dean didn't care. It was so great to see Cas again, no matter what Sam had done. Castiel felt warmer than he ever had as an angel.

"It's so great to see you again, Cas," Dean mumbled against his neck. Cas finally got his arms free and wrapped them around Dean, squeezing him as tight as he could, which only showed Dean how human Castiel now was.

"It's good to see you again too, Dean," Cas squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to know only Dean's embrace, if only for a short moment. They separated, though neither of them wanted to, and studied each other's faces. Dean knew what it would look like if anyone else were in the room, but there truly was nothing more to it than wanting to see that long-lost face again.

"How long are you planning on staying with us?" Dean asked, wanting to break the silence, in case there was some unknown spectator.

"As long as I'm welcome."

Dean smiled because that is when he knew, Cas would be living with them for as long as any of them would live. Even before Castiel had disappeared, it had seemed like the Winchesters never got to see enough of him. There was always a civil war in heaven, or bigger business for an angel to attend to. But now, Cas was just like them. Human, a hunter. For the first time since his mother died, Dean was excited for the long term future. He found himself wishing Cas could know this, but not wanting to tell him. He wanted to know how much the former angel meant to him, but knew speaking the words wouldn't get the right message across, and who believed that crap anyway? He was thinking about this when he found himself doing something he'd though about many times, but never actually tired to do. He was leaning in to kiss Castiel.


	4. We Should've Done This Years Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the POV change, but I wrote a bunch of this ridiculous sweet shit that couldn't be left out. Sorry it kind of sucks... that's just my writing style: complete shit. Enjoy :)

He didn't think about what Cas would think, not even about what he'd said about liking dudes, he just did it. It was awkward and jerky, like a couple of teenagers at a high school dance. Dean had no idea why he'd done it, it was like he'd been on auto pilot. Once he made contact with Castiel's lips, he snapped out of it and started thinking about what he was actually doing. It was like the floodgates of worst case scenarios had opened and now his mind was drowning in them. His heart rate quickened, but when he pulled away, Cas slowly opened his eyes and smiled. His eyes had been closed, that was good right? And smiles, smiles are defiantly a good thing.

"What was that?" he'd sounded like his old self when he'd said it, and it was somehow comforting. Dean licked his lips, trying to think up an appropriate answer.

_I was sort of on autopilot_ , did not qualify.

"I've been thinking about doing that for a long time," it sounded horrible, even to him, but what was he supposed to say?

Castiel's smile widened and he almost laughed at Dean. Then he closed the gap between them and kissed Dean. It was much better than the first. Much more deliberate. Dean had kissed a lot of people, but he found himself forgetting everything he'd learned over the years. 

-[Cas's POV]

Cas thought he had been pretty brave. Yes, Dean had kissed him first, but still, it had taken courage. Cas hadn't kissed very many people. He wasn't very confident with his skills. He could remember the first time he'd kissed someone. It had been Meg. She too had kissed Cas first. Cas had just watched porn. He was, at the time, extremely naive. Especially for knowing so much. He had just assumed that was the thing to do, the correct reaction. He would've known better, had he payed better attention to Dean. Not that he hadn't payed attention to Dean. Castiel hadn't been in love with Dean over the years or anything so romantic. He hadn't really been capable of love, that kind of love anyway, at the time. But when he was human the last time, and he slept with April, that was nothing like this. That had been rushed, all on impulse. When Cas had seen Dean for the first time after the two years he had spent doing various things, he felt something very very different. He was happy to see Dean and Sam, obviously, although he was a little pissed at Sam (still, the moose didn't shoot him on sight, so that was a plus). But when he looked at Dean, and Dean looked back at him, it was different. Every time they made eye contact, Cas's heart rate skyrocketed. It was more that just greeting an old friend. It was like all of their friendship had- not turned into something else, but duplicated, and the duplicate turned into something else. For Cas anyway. When Dean had kissed him, Cas had damn near had a heart attack. He felt so ridiculous.

-[And back to Dean]

I'm kissing Cas, I'm actually kissing Cas, was all he could think. Dean was kissing his best friend, and somehow that was more insane to him than the fact that that friend was once an angel, or that he'd just reappeared after two years, or that he was still unclear about what exactly that friend had been doing for those two years, just that he was kissing him. Dean had never kissed a guy before. Well that was a lie. He had once, in the seventh grade. But he hadn't kissed that boy as much as that boy had kissed him. The only person he had told had been Sam, and that had been almost four years later. One of the teachers had seen them in the hall. The boy had been much bolder than Dean, and when the shit hit the fan, Dean had gotten off easy.  A few years later, when the boys returned to that town, and surprisingly that school, Dean found out that same teacher had been fired for some kind of abuse of students. Rumor had it, it was a couple of gay students. That's when he'd told Sam.

Ever since that day, Dean had overcompensated with woman, and learned to enjoy it. He eventually became the macho man he was trying to be, although he did still look at men as well. He did develop a few more crushes on men over the years, but nothing more serious. That is, until he met Castiel. Castel.... the angel that had gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. He had entered Dean's life in such a spectacular way- and it was Doctor Sexy MD all over again. The angel of the Lord only grew closer to Dean, and he knew it was stupid, but he still remembered when he had told the two brothers that he and Dean shared a more profound bond. The hunter's heart had skipped a beat. Then Cas had died. Then, again. And Dean's heart was ripped to pieces over and over again. And every time, Dean tried to convince himself that Cas was just going to die again, or betray them again, but every time, Dean just fell in love with the Cas anew. When Cas was there, he was the shining bright light in Dean's life that kept him going. When Cas wasn't there, it was like a black hole that consumed everything Dean pretended he had.

Now, he _had_ Cas. Not only was Cas there, but he had him. And he was kissing him. And he was tasting that taste he'd always wanted to try, but never thought he would. And he was feeling that body he'd always wanted to feel, but never thought he would. And he was kissing those lips he'd always wanted to kiss, but never thought he would. And he was so happy. He pulled away from Cas just to look into his eyes. For so long, those eye had been all Dean could have. All he could do was watch them, observe their beauty, their. Now that he could have the rest, he'd expected them to dull a little, but no, they were just as brilliant as ever, and Dean thought he could get lost in them- that he could wander into them and never wander out, and he wanted to. But then he remembered the rest of Cas, and he remembered that belonged to him. He had the shoulders, weary from the weight of the dead wings they'd bore for so long. He had the hands, strong and sad from all the bloodshed they'd caused. He had the lips, turned slightly downward from all of the sorrow they'd spoken. And yes, he still had the eyes, surrounded by little wrinkles and worry lines from all that they had seen. All of these things could be seen as bad things, but Dean thought they only enhanced Castiel's beauty. He thought about how the world had changed since that day in the seventh grade, and how they would be more accepted now. And finally he realized he was thinking about the future, something he hadn't done since his year with Lisa. He smiled and just hugged Cas, breathing him in and enjoying the solid feeling of the body against his own.


End file.
